crash&burn.

I used to be afraid of this place. I used to be afraid of a lot of things, of heights and earth and mirrors. I used to be afraid of what it must be like to drown, salt water in your lungs and the thoughts of 'ohgod,ohgod.ican'tbreathe.'. It sounded awful.
Then I started dreaming about water. All the time. Water that overtook me, water that swallowed me whole and Did Not spit me back out. I dreamt of water that attacked me, bit me with coldness. Sometimes I hallucinated about oceans in my front yard, coming to bury us all.
Then I started to dream about breathing underwater and then I thought about how lovely that must be. Breathing underwater. I wonder if that's what some of the people who jump off bridges think, that they'll hit the water and be deep where no one can bother them anymore and they will breathe. I think of what it must be like to fill your lungs with it and be just like one of those fish just out of the reach of every net and pole.
It doesn't sound so awful to me anymore. A lovely sort of death. [LSD? Ha.] Now whenever someone dares to ask "How do you want to die?", I always reply: "Drowning.".

I wonder what it is like to be halfway down a bridge and realize you want to live.