crash&burn.

Driving. In the car. Dizzy. canyoupleasestop? AREYOUOKAY? yeah,yeah.i'mfine.ijust... LET'SGETYOUSOMETHINGTOEAT. ohokay.
Stop. Eat. Garden salad with a side of fat-free balsamic in a plastic container. idon'tlikeeatingwithpeople. OHOKAY.WANTMETOWAITINTHECAR?IHAVETOMAKEACALLANYWAYS. ohokay,ifyoudon't mind.
Alone, at the table in the corner. I shiver softly, take the lid off. It's just a salad, maybe a cup of mixed greens [romaine and spinach? some iceburg?], and a teeny bit of dressing. 60 with the dressing. Maybe I won't put the dressing on. Just 20 then. I start shredding the salad into smaller bits with my nails nervously I can't tell if I'm really shaking at first so I put out my hand and see it. It can't hold still. I pick up my fork, stab, bring it to my mouth and halt.
This is so fucking embarrassing. People are staring at me, glancing and then looking away when I notice them. It's just salad. I put the fork down and close the salad, stare off into space. Come back to the salad, open it, close it. I notice a man that stares at me and does not look away, so I smile at him. He seems more friendly than creepy. He's maybe nineteen, probably goes to the college here, tall, with a scruffy beginning of a beard and black hair. My sleeve falls down and I tug it back up, break eye contact, stare back at my food.
Nevermind, I decide. This will take forever and 20 isn't enough to make me feel any less crappy anyways. Not worth all the trouble. I get up, start for the door. The man who I smiled at goes out the door too, stops me. He catches the sleeve on my wrist lightly. A daring stranger. "Hey, this may be out of line or something, but I saw you. I need to ask you something. I used to cut myself and-..." I can feel the colour falling out of my face, dripping on the floor in a puddle. I turn around quickly, wrapping my arms around my self, walking as fast as I can back to the car.
'i saw you.'