crash&burn.

Lost two more pounds. 

So that makes it seven so far. Can I call this a relapse if I never even recovered?

I wonder if any one will notice. Or if I'll just start my disappearing act again, the Incredible Shrinking Girl, fading a little at first then poof, she's gone.

I haven't eaten today. Not yet. Everything is scary. Soup is scary and vegetables are scary and everything I thought was safe is scaring me.

I want to eat. I don't want to fail. I want to eat so Tiger won't worry as much. I want to eat because I told her I would.

But I want to keep going. My therapist said she'll help me lose twenty pounds if I do it healthily. But the fact other people can also see I have that much weight to lose is killing me. Sure, I was wearing very baggy clothes so she couldn't really see what my body looks like, but still. If I have twenty on me to other people they're just being kind and I could really lose thirty. Forty?
I'd never want to lose weight 'healthily'. It's not about health. It's not about the weight. It's about unhealth. Pain. Hurt.