nineteen.

Really fucking bad weekend, in all senses of the word.

My parents, once again, hate me. [I know they don't actually hate me, but they're starting to resent me and really dislike being around me at all. Which I understand completely.] Yesterday I was purging and I came out of the bathroom and Dad was standing there. He didn't yell or do anything he usually would have. He just stared at me, he looked very tired. It was like he was saying "Okay, I give up." right there. It scared me. I'm still trying, I don't want people to give up on me.

Yesterday I binged and purged probably twelve separate times. Took way too many laxatives. Screamed at everyone. Hallucinated. I almost cut, I was sitting there with everything ready, but someone stopped me <3. Generally this weekend sucked, the whole four days.

It sucked even more because I couldn't talk to Tiger. I worry constantly when we can't talk. So many things could happen and I'd never know. And even now I have limited time, emails in the morning and maybe a quick chat at night if I can get on. But she's still here. I feel her all the time, when things get bad and I need help. At night when I'm alone and need someone to get to sleep. When I go outside to see the moon and send/recieve a message. Fuck distance. Stupid dirt and air.

Breakfast:

1 diet orange soda

3 cups water

Lunch:

Dinner:

Other:

Drinks:

Exercise:

Harm: