Day Fourteen

Breakfast:
1 packet banana bread oatmeal made with water
2 sugar-free popsicles [purged]
1 mini cheese rice cake

Lunch:
Binge [a bunch of random shit including waffles, rice cakes, frozen pastry things, because apparently I eat crap while it's still frozen, ice cream, root beer] [purged]
Dinner:
to be added.

Snacks/Other:
Binge [100 calorie pack of rice cakes, 1 slice cake, 1 peanut butter and honey sandwich, 2 stuffed pasta shells] <--- FUCK. [purged]
6x the regular dose of laxatives [AKDWAJKEAWJEAJKEA. FUCKING STUPID.]


Drinks:
2 cups water

Exercise:
I plan to go for a walk at lunch and dinner.

Harm:
None so far. The last ones are starting to hurt like...really bad. They kept waking me up last night and making it hard to walk. It's really embarrassing that I'm limping around because of something that's my fault. The infection hasn't gone away, it's just getting worse. =/ I can't wait until I don't have to deal with cuts and their aftercare.

Notes:
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS. :O <3
Oh, and I [stupidly] totaled up yesterdays in take. 709. D;< Why is it whenever I think I've done well it ends up being in 700s? dakawjheakwea. Fucking frustrating. I feel like I'm eating so much but apparently I'm not even breaking 1000. I don't understand. Maybe it's that all the foods I eat are low calorie. But that's not entirely true because I've been having pasta for dinner. This is so annoying. D:< Now I'm trying to decide whether I should continue not counting calories or whether I should be keeping track to moniter if I'm eating enough.
Also, I'm really stressed about Thanksgiving. Stressing about it last year was one of the reasons I relapsed in the first place. It's funny, I remember every detail of Thanksgiving dinner last year. I remember the cassarole everyone was trying to get me to have, insisting it was delicious. I remember the food I stuffed in my bra, spirited away from my plate. I remember that what I actually ate was a blond brownie Mandy made, and I remember going home and purging afterwards. I remember every detail. I can do this with a lot of days, even any random day and remember everything I ate. Like one day in May [I think it was probably the 4th?] while my dad was away I ate 3/4 of a veggie burger, 34g apple slices, and 16oz Diet Coke. I remember everything and it scares me.