Day 6 Log / 750 calories / 0 cuts

 Breakfast -
1 packet blueberry oatmeal
1 apple ring

Lunch -
1/2 lettuce&cheese sandwich [1 slice wheat bread, 1/2 slice cheese, 1 piece lettuce]
1 dill pickle spear
Laxatives [SAJWEAJEHA.]
1 cigarette [SKJKWEHAWEAEWEAWEAWEAEAWEAWEWEW]

Dinner -
1 small bowl pasta
2 cigarettes [AWEJKAHKEAEHEANEW. NO.]

Snacks/Other -
6 banana chips
2 dill spears
3 dried apple rings
1 cheese mini rice cake
1 sugar-free popsicle
1 cigarette [FUCK.]
Drinks -
2 peppermint tea
10 cups water

Exercise -
I plan to go for a walk at lunch and at dinner.

Harm -
None, surprisingly. 8D Last night I really, really wanted to cut/burn but I thought about what it would be like to tell Tiger about it, how she'd feel, and didn't. Thank you for stopping me even when you aren't here. <3 I was seriously sitting there with a knife, a safety pin, and a lighter. I was going to heat the safety pin until it was red and burn with it. I was going to cut my mostly unscarred leg with the knife [I don't even use knives, I don't understand why I wanted to last night]. I fell asleep with the lighter in my hand and the safety pin is somewhere floating around in my bed now.

Notes -
I decided I'm going to do this. It's only taken six days but I am going to put all my energy into this. I'm going to work at this, even when I'm uncomfortable or feel like giving up. I'm going to ask myself why a lot more, why I should do something and why I shouldn't. I'm going to make an effort. I'm going to get better. I won't let myself think negatively, I'll try. I swear I'm going to try.
I don't want this. I don't want to go another year like this, because generally when you get to the five year mark you're considered 'hopeless'. I know that's not entirely true, but I don't want to be labeled hopeless. I don't want that over my head saying that I can't get better, because I will get better.
I also decided...No more junk food. No sweets. No pizza. Nothing that it going to remind me of something I'd eat while binging and purging. I think that's what's been happening. I've been eating things, trying for moderation, that I thought I could handle but couldn't. So, no candy, no poptarts, no pizza, no peanut butter, no chips, ect. Obviously on ocassion I'll still eat fast food or pizza if family takes me out, but I need to not go after leftovers as a meal because it makes me just want to b/p. So. None of that.
EDIT -
DAWEHWJKEHA.
Fuck. So I thought I did really well today, and was curious about how many calories I had. 750. Fuck. REALLY?! I thought I'd done really well. dkahwejkehaeaejhraw. D:< And now I don't want to eat more.