crash&burn.

Breakfast:
1 packet banana bread oatmeal
3 banana chips


Lunch:
1/2 toasted cheese sandwich [1 slice wheat bread, 1/2 slice cheese, 1 piece lettuce]
2 thin pickle spears

Dinner:
1 veggie burger [1 wheat bun, 1 slice cheese, 1 boca patty]
 1 small salad [lettuce and 1 tablespoon italian dressing]
Snacks/Other:
2 sugar-free popsicles
2 granny smith apples

Drinks:
7 cups water

Exercise:
I plan to go for a walk, once at lunch and again before bed

Harm:
Last night I cut because I was really...SAJKWEHAWEA. They're not too bad, they're only about 1/8 of an inch deep as opposed to my normal 1/2 inch. Still, not doing that again. I would've cut more and deeper, but Tiger stopped me.
Today I cut too.
Urges to burn have gotten really bad. :c When I was making my grandma lunch I really just wanted to hold the pan against my arm. And it's getting weird being around lighters. I'm really tempted to smoke because I haven't in two days, but mostly because I want to put them out on my skin. Bleck.
On the briiiiight side, the two big cuts finally closed a bit so they'll probably be healed in two or three weeks. And the infection is more or less gone.

Notes:
I put a razor in my pocket, along with a tack, a lighter, and a cigarette. I go far away from the house, roll my pants until I see my thigh, and cut. And cut. and cut. and cut. For twenty minutes. I drag over the same cut over and over, going as deep as I can without the pain becoming the unbearable. And then once it does, I go a little further after that and spot. Afterwards I light the cigarette, and as I'm lifting it to my mouth I'm being called, so I put it out and go home.

I might be going to live with my grandma, the other one, not the one that lives with us. No one here can handle me anymore.