Thursday, October 28, 2010

and i'll be your reason why.

I'm leaving this.
For you, for silly pictures and dancing on the beach and yelling to loud music, for long talks and never being uncomfortable around each other. For all the good times we've had and all the ones we WILL have.
This is terrifying me, but at the same time I'm so excited. This is what I've been afraid of. This one person, they seem so innocent at first, they won't change you, right? But then suddenly they're in your heart, and you begin to care about everything that person cares about. Their interests, their pets, their family. And then suddenly you're off caring about yourself and your life and you're screwed. Normally I would've pushed away long ago, but I'm staying in this. I'm not giving up on you or this.
So, Tiger-Dear, I'll be here for you. No more nights alone. We can do this. <3

[] No binging and purging for a week. Reward: Go to Dakota's house.

[] No cutting for nine days. Reward: Buy an above-knee skirt to wear with socks
[] No cutting for a month. Reward: Buy an above-knee skirt to wear WITHOUT socks
[] No binging and purging for a month. Reward: Teeth whitening.
[] Start eating 500 calories a day for 3 days, then 600 for 3 days,
then 800 for 3. Work way up to 1200. Reward: Energy
[] Talk to a therapist about possibility of sexual abuse without
screaming or lying. Reward: Relief
[] Work on staying in a healthy weight range [135, maybe?], and establishing moderate exercise routine. Reward: Health
[] Being steady for a year [binging and purging once a month or less, eating over 1000 calories 75% of the time]. Reward: Visting Tiger! :D

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