At the mall. Hey, not everything needs to be depressing:
Me: Oh my God. Yellow cake lip balm. This is like the greatest thing ever. I wonder how many calories are in it.
The Friend: …Uh, what?
Me: Oh…Ummmmm.
The Friend: Hey, there's diet pepsi flavored chapstick over here. Perfect for you!
Me: COOL MAN. I'M GETTING THIS SHIZZ.
The Friend is leaving for seven weeks. By the time she comes back, I'll be swimming in schoolwork and she'll be busy with her school friends again. It goes that way. But I'm glad I got to spend a few days with her.
This morning, right away, I drank some laxative tea. I happen to be in need a bowel movement or two (or ten.). Not-eating slows your digestive system, and when there isn't much to digest anyways it just hangs out together once it is digested and forgets to eject.
After that I go on the elliptical for a while and burn, burn, burn until I'm on fire and need to be put out with a glass of water.
Exercising is mechanical now. There's no dread or groaning about it, just blanking out and going through. Yesterday night I was running all night instead of sleeping like I'd promised. I made temporary playlists on The Friend's mp3 player and ran through the night, sometimes looking up to see that the moon had moved. I felt like I'm a hampster, turning the wheel to make it change places. By the time I fall, I'm sweaty and red all over. I'd barely knocked my arm when I fell but the next day, today, it's electric blue and purple, blood roses blooming underneath my skin.
The stupid tea doesn't start to work until eleven hours after I take it. Then, it twists my guts and tries to make something out of nothing.
Today, I got things to sustain me. A box of Sugar-Free jello, shirataki, Crystal Lite (replenish variety and hunger suppression variety), a couple cans of diet soda, and more Super Dieter's Tea. No more pills, though. I won't be able to get more diet pills for three more months. Boo. The shirataki is nice, though. It's really just tofu and konjac puffed up with a lot of water and shaped like noodles, but it looks like something high calorie and high carbohydrate I can eat when I need to put on a show.
I think I may be in ketosis. I've been under 60g carbs for a while. But for ketosis you need high fat, and my limit is 15g. Still, my mouth is sweet tasting, my pee is neon-nail-polish-yellow, and I have mood swings all over the place. But the sweetness may be from the sheer depth of my sugar cravings, I'm probably dehydrated, and my moods are never stable. Who knows. Last time I used a test strip I was in purple.
At night, mom has me eat a burrito because I've been 'grumpy and sad' all day. I almost cry when she starts making it, and I watch what she adds. 1 slice cheese (60), 1/2 cup refried beans (135), small corn tortilla (145). I don't want to eat.
Me: Oh my God. Yellow cake lip balm. This is like the greatest thing ever. I wonder how many calories are in it.
The Friend: …Uh, what?
Me: Oh…Ummmmm.
The Friend: Hey, there's diet pepsi flavored chapstick over here. Perfect for you!
Me: COOL MAN. I'M GETTING THIS SHIZZ.
The Friend is leaving for seven weeks. By the time she comes back, I'll be swimming in schoolwork and she'll be busy with her school friends again. It goes that way. But I'm glad I got to spend a few days with her.
This morning, right away, I drank some laxative tea. I happen to be in need a bowel movement or two (or ten.). Not-eating slows your digestive system, and when there isn't much to digest anyways it just hangs out together once it is digested and forgets to eject.
After that I go on the elliptical for a while and burn, burn, burn until I'm on fire and need to be put out with a glass of water.
Exercising is mechanical now. There's no dread or groaning about it, just blanking out and going through. Yesterday night I was running all night instead of sleeping like I'd promised. I made temporary playlists on The Friend's mp3 player and ran through the night, sometimes looking up to see that the moon had moved. I felt like I'm a hampster, turning the wheel to make it change places. By the time I fall, I'm sweaty and red all over. I'd barely knocked my arm when I fell but the next day, today, it's electric blue and purple, blood roses blooming underneath my skin.
The stupid tea doesn't start to work until eleven hours after I take it. Then, it twists my guts and tries to make something out of nothing.
Today, I got things to sustain me. A box of Sugar-Free jello, shirataki, Crystal Lite (replenish variety and hunger suppression variety), a couple cans of diet soda, and more Super Dieter's Tea. No more pills, though. I won't be able to get more diet pills for three more months. Boo. The shirataki is nice, though. It's really just tofu and konjac puffed up with a lot of water and shaped like noodles, but it looks like something high calorie and high carbohydrate I can eat when I need to put on a show.
I think I may be in ketosis. I've been under 60g carbs for a while. But for ketosis you need high fat, and my limit is 15g. Still, my mouth is sweet tasting, my pee is neon-nail-polish-yellow, and I have mood swings all over the place. But the sweetness may be from the sheer depth of my sugar cravings, I'm probably dehydrated, and my moods are never stable. Who knows. Last time I used a test strip I was in purple.
At night, mom has me eat a burrito because I've been 'grumpy and sad' all day. I almost cry when she starts making it, and I watch what she adds. 1 slice cheese (60), 1/2 cup refried beans (135), small corn tortilla (145). I don't want to eat.
Homemade burrito = +340
Crystal Lite = +10
Super Dieter's Tea w/ Splenda = +5
Diet Dr. Pepper = +3
Sugar-Free Jelly = +10
exercise = -1770
weight = -0.400 lbs
Crystal Lite = +10
Super Dieter's Tea w/ Splenda = +5
Diet Dr. Pepper = +3
Sugar-Free Jelly = +10
exercise = -1770
weight = -0.400 lbs
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