dizzydizzyspin, dizzydizzyspinpuke.
I didn't eat yesterday or the day before.
It's easy. Easyeasy. I just have to pretend.
1 saltine (12) and 1/2 teaspoon cream cheese (5) = today.
I weighed myself. -5 pounds since last time.
Matilda is back again, pretending she's real, lying with me in bed, mumbling. If I sleep she gets entirely in my head and that hurts too bad, so I lie next to her until sunrise expels her like a vampire. She finally stops feeding off me until she remembers the light doesn't hurt her, then she's back, prodding me into 100 leg lifts, 200, 300, 500, 1000.
I cut my arm. I thought it wasn't deep but I see fat tissue. Adipose isn't as gross when you see it exposed, white and blotchy. Encased in thin skin, though, it's disgusting.
Going to Dakota's tonight.
Last week I told Magpie that I burned my leg when she was asking what was wrong. We haven't talked much since. She's afraid.
I'm afraid. My parents are afraid. My friends are afraid. The neighbor's cousin's cat is afraid. We're a world living in fear because Ari The Adipose has stepped over the line and faded a little at the edges.
i won't let you say goodbye, and i'll be your reason why.
I really enjoy reading your blog. It is nice to read something in the different perspective you put it in and almost like a story. Keep it up. Congrats on losing 5.
ReplyDelete