crash&burn.

Weekly Deficits:
Monday - None
Tuesday - 1,500.5
Wednesday - TBA
Thursday - TBA
Friday - TBA
Saturday - TBA
Sunday - TBA

When I wake up and stand, I'm instantly swimming in darkness, I can almost feel the floor coming at me. I stayed up until two exercising the night before. I fell asleep at three, infomericals flashing fix-it-alls on the television screen.
Lately, there have been knives stabbing me at night again. I bite my lip and gasp, curl into a tighter ball until it's over.
Every morning, it's a masquerade. I walk down the hall, say hello to everyone, pat the cat on the head, wipe his white fur off on my leg. I grab poptarts and 'eat' them in my room. They go into my overflowing trunk of rotting food. It smells sickly sweet, like mold. I need to clean it out again soon. This is 1/2 week of what I'm supposed to have eaten.
What I really eat is a rice cake (35). It's the movie butter flavor. No more calories but plain, but the butter taste is strong to me. The first time I tried them, I was convinced there was no flavor at all. Eventually it became overwhelmingly flavorful on my tongue.
I take my magic golden pill, swallow a gulp of bottled spring water. It makes me feel sick, it makes me sick. It makes my stomach churn and my heart race. But it also makes me not want to eat.
For dinner, I think I'll have a can of green beans (70), and six veggie nuggets (285). My total will be 390. I'll sweat at night when everyone else is lying down.

I have lost no weight lately, gained none either. I'm in the ultimate plateau. Eating little doesn't work, eating a lot doesn't work. Once I break through this stupid pound, I'll be losing again.