brekkie - skipped.
lunch - skipped.
dinner - 1 slice pizza. 2 diet sodas. small salad. 410. partially purged.
other - 2 glasses water. 2 pieces gum. 10.
Fuck. I feel like I ate a lot.
Calorie wise, I know I should have eaten a lot more, but basically at this point I really really really just don't want to binge and purge. Like, I'm having serious anxiety about it. =/ Which means I will restrict because I'm afraid of eating, then eventually binge, then purge. fuck yeah.
lunch - skipped.
dinner - 1 slice pizza. 2 diet sodas. small salad. 410. partially purged.
other - 2 glasses water. 2 pieces gum. 10.
Fuck. I feel like I ate a lot.
I love you. Tiger loves you. I know we're far away; but you are loved.
ReplyDeleteAri--you are not insane; you are not messed up. you are real.
you are human. you are loved. There IS a reason you are here. I don't care what ANYONE, even that deranged mother of yours, you are here for a REASON.
We can't fight your demons for you, we can only stand with you and encourage you, love you, and keep the hope alive.
I know Tiger told you I am pregnant. Let me tell you something; yes I am going INSANE with what's happening to my body. My husband has to physically restrain me so I don't cut (when the urge strikes) I had to be taken off all my medication, and I -need- some of that stuff, to stop the voices and the people.
But I am getting through. I'm doing it. I'm fighting tooth and nail, but I'm happy.
Really happiness. Not happy with me, but happy with what is to come. With my daughter; Brielle.
I'm saying this to you only to give you some hope. I don't think I'll ever be free of my demons, my life of wanting to starve, cut, binge, purge,destroy myself. But I am persevering through it. For me, I found that in Christ. For you, I don't know what that is.
For me, I learned that there is hope in Christ, for you, you might find something different. Christ is for everyone ;) The whole stigma of Christianity is pretty lame.
I'll hop off my soapbox. But, I just wanted to say that we love you, and darnit if it takes me driving to get Tiger and then us coming to get you, i can easily make it happen.........it just might take a couple months worth of planning.
And then I'd get accused of kidnapping..........
and then you know..jail time...etc.
Good thought though, right. :)
<3