crash&burn.

Today I was walking and it was like I couldn't tell if I was walking straight, if I was about to fall, or if I was fainting. I kept walking and eventually I felt more grounded, but for those few moments I felt so light inside my body, like I'd just float out and away. I don't know, it's happened a few times and it scares me a little.

I'm so out of it these past few days. I can't remember if I cut today. I know I did yesterday and maybe the day before that too? I can't think. My mind keeps disappearing into numbers and words and it won't come back.
My current idea of meals is cigarettes and tea. Asthama+Smoking=REALLY FUCKING STUPID. I end up having an attack, sitting there and wheezing for a long time and getting really dizzy.



I've been really worried about Tiger all day. I'll always worry at least a bit, but I do more when we can't talk. [Lol, we talked yesterday morning and I'm already like WAEAJKHRARAW]. I've just gotten so used to checking on her several times that I imagine the worst when we can't talk. :P
I ended up talking outloud to her in my room, basically telling her that everything will be okay and all the usual things. I know she couldn't hear me, but still.
Last night I suddenly thought she was there, even though obviously she wasn't, and basically cuddled the air. Which is more than a little bit ridiculous. But it helped me fall asleep. I woke up again in middle of the night and the radio was playing one of the songs from our playlist, so I guess that's what woke me.


Anyways. This weekend failed. A lot. Didn't eat properly. Cut too much. Smoked too much. Didn't drink enough to forget any of it.