crash&burn.

My stomach hurts. Yesterday I ate half a tray of breakfast rolls, a dozen poptarts, a lot of soda, some apples, macaroni and cheese, toast, grilled cheese, and probably some other things. I generally don't remember what I eat when I binge and purge.

My stomach is also very distended today, which makes me want to restrict. But I'm not screwing today up two. It's Monday. It's a new week. It's also the first day of a new month. I had my first good day a while ago, now I want my first good week. It's weird that I want things again.


So breakfast was oatmeal again. :3 I love how I've been eating the same breakfast whenever I do eat breakfast for the past year and never get bored. I seriously can't recall ever eating anything besides oatmeal as a breakfast item since last November. I'm thinking my little mini goal for this week will be having something different for breakfast. Maybe eggs/toast or cereal if I could handle that.
I'm ridiculously obsessed with oatmeal though. I have bananas and cream, strawberries and cream, peaches and cream, blueberries and cream, cinnamon roll, bananabread, apple crisp, maple and brown sugar, reduced sugar oatmeal, apples and spice, cinnamon and spice, and a few other flavors lurking around.

EDIT -
I feel horrible now. :< Yesterday when I binged/purged I ate a bunch of breakfast rolls without thinking about it, because I’m a fat, stupid, out-of-control idiot, and today mom is screaming at me about it because they were my great grandma’s for the mornings. Fuck. I just take everything, don’t I?

This just comes right back to the fights we always have. youshouldn’teatatallbecausewhenyoudoyoueateverything. youshouldjuststarveyourself. idon’tcareifyoudon’teat,juststopeatingeverything.
So we’re having that same fight again. I should just stop fucking eating. At all. If I don’t eat anything I don’t hurt anyone. Thank you, mom, for helping me remember my mission.