ugly.

i don't look in the mirror,
i don't like what i see staring back at me.
everything is clearer, i'll never see what you see.
it's not me, so beautiful and free.
i'll never be what you need.
can't help at all.

i was born so beautiful,
but now i'm ugly. 

I covered all the mirrors.

I'm wearing a giant sweater and giant pants.

I don't want to see. I don't want to know.

and i rot in my skin,
as a piece of me dies everyday.

i know I'm nothing, 

i know there's nothing i can say
to change the judegment in their ways.
i'll never be what you need,
can't help at all.
my love was so beautiful,
but now I'm ugly.

I want to crawl out of my skin.

I want to chop off all my hair.

I want to lose 20 pounds, 30, 40, 50.

I want to be 70 pounds.

No, I want 0.

It's not possible but I want it.

i'm good enough, but i don't care.
i'm good enough, but i'm not there.
i'm good enough, but i don't care.
the sun is out, but i'm not there.

I want to destroy everything about me.

I want to destroy myself, the colour of my eyes and skin.

I want to tear apart every drawing.

I want to erase every story.

I want to cut and tear and rip. I want to hit and bruise. I want to burn.

i'm good enough, but i don't care.
the sun is out, but i'm not there.
i'm good enough, i'm good enough.

I don't deserve to recover.

I wasn't sick enough to recover.

I'm not good enough to recover.

i don't look in the mirror,
i don't like what i see staring back at me.
everything is clearer;
i'll never see what you see.

I was never emaciated.

Underweight, maybe. Maybe.

But never a body mass index of under 15.

and i rot in my skin,
as a piece of me dies everyday.
i know i'm nothing,
because i'm ugly.

183 / 30.4

180 / 30.0

175 / 29.1

170 / 28.3

165 / 27.5

160 / 26.6

155 / 25.8

150 / 25.0

145 / 24.1

140 / 23.3

135 / 22.5

130 / 21.6

120 / 20.0

111 / 18.5

110 / 18.3

105 / 17.5

100 / 16.6

99 / 16.5

98 / 16.3

95 / 15.8

93 / 15.5

90 / 15.0

85 / 14.184 / 14.0