Fat fucking FAT FAT FAT FAT.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU'RE FAT.
FAT. FATFATFAT.
Everyone thinks so. Everyone. They pity you, tell you you're small, when everyone knows you are FAT. You're huge. Your thighs are fucking giant, your arms are ten FREAKING inches around at the top. Your waist is bloated as fuck.
YOUR WEIGHT IS A SIX. ADD ALL THE DIGITS TOGETHER AND IT IS A SIX. SIX IS BAD YOU FUCKING IDIOT.
How much did you eat today? Can you even bear to say it?
You're ugly. You are so FUCKING ugly. Your nose is huge. Your eyes are alien eyes, weirdly shaped and too big. Your eyebrows...What the hell happened to them? They're like, enlongated triangles. They're so...sfjkserjawhea. Your lips are just gross, seriously. Who would want to kiss those lips? Even your face is a bad shape. Big at the top and small at the bottom. Have you seen how assymetrical you are? It's ridiculous. One eye bigger than the other. One side of your chin longer than the other. Eyebrows not the same. Even your collarbones are off center.
YOU ARE A FUCKING MESS. A FAT UGLY FUCKING MESS.
IT DOENS'T MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOU SAY IT OUTLOUD OR IF YOU'RE FUCKING 'POSITIVE', YOU'RE A MESS AND YOU'LL STILL BE ONE EVEN IF YOU PRETEND YOU LIKE YOURSELF.
YOU'RE FUCKING...AWEWEHKA. JUST, GO AWAY. GET THE FUCK OUT.
EVEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE WRONG. YOU CRY AND LAUGH AT THE WRONG TIMES. YOU THINK WRONG. HOW DID YOU GET SO UGLY ON THE INSIDE?
You're not beautiful. You're not kind, you're not understanding, or caring. You don't even remotely have any of the qualities that make someone loveable
How does anyone even love you? Seriously, you're a bitch. You're a selfish, needy, STUPID bitch. You can't even do anything right. You can't even eat correctly. How fucking pathetic.
Furthermore, not can you not only eat correctly, YOU CAN'T EVEN STARVE YOURSELF RIGHT. FUCK. You ate what, 300 calories as an average? Sometimes up to 500 and sometimes down to 50? ....THAT'S NOT STARVING. THAT'S PRETENDING. YOU WEREN'T FUCKING STARVING. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT STARVING IS? I'LL STARVE YOU. HOW'S THE NEXT WEEK SOUND? YOU CAN FUCKING EAT NEXT MONDAY.
You're pathetic. Stupid and pathetic and crawling and needy. You're just so vile, so disgusting. So wrong in every way.
YOU'RE A FUCKING WHORE. SERIOUSLY. FUCK. SERIOOOOUSLY. NOT EVEN JOKING HERE. JUST, ADKAHWJKAH. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT.
DON'T YOU GET IT? DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT? NO ONE LIKES YOU. YOU'RE HORRIBLE. YOU'RE TOO UGLY TO EVEN BE NEAR. FUCK. YOU ARE SO AWFUL. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
JUST GO AWAY. FINISH YOUR FUCKING BREAKDOWN AND THEN JUST GO AWAY.
i won't let you say goodbye, and i'll be your reason why.
That's not true.
ReplyDeleteYou're not fat, you're not ugly inside or out, you're not messed up, you're not a slut or a whore, I love you. I love you so fucking much.
I don't care if you believe me, i'm going to tell you anyways, every day. I know it seems rediculous to you, but when I look at you, I don't see anything ugly, anything that looks wrong or bad or unattractive. All I see is beauty, and sosososo much potential. I see someone I love. You're not needy or disgusting or pathetic or a bitch or ugly or awful or a failure.
I'll tell you what you ARE, though.
Gorgeous.
Lovely.
Lovable.
Amazing.
Filled with potential.
Wonderful.
Kind.
Caring.
Adorable.
Awesome.
Fantastic.
Beautiful.
Pretty.
Cute.
The person I love most.
I love you so fucking much. You don't need to listen to yourself. I know it feels like you'll never get better, that you can pretend to think positive but it never will. But just wait and see. Keep trying. It WILL get better. Don't you want to live unmuted? Don't you want to visit me? I promise you those things will happen. But you have to keep hoping. Things will get better. You won't have to fight so much. It won't be so hard.
I love you so much. More than anything. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
Please don't starve yourself.
Please don't disappear. I don't know what i'd do without you.
...Actually, I do. That's what scares me.
I love you so much. Don't give up, Hon. You can do this. WE can do this. I'm with you. Always. Stay strong. <3