"No. I don't really eat cereal. I usually eat toast in the morning." That's a lie, but at least it sounds like something healthy.
"I know," she says, going into let'scritizeeverythingaboutarimode. "and you should eat something different. Cereal is much healthier."
I don't see how sugary cookie crisp cereal in the ridiculous portions she expects me to eat (soup bowl size) would be healthier than my imaginary toast-breakfast.
"Fine. Whatever. I'm not going to eat it," I say softly as she puts it in the cart.
I refuse all things at the grocery store.
"1. want some flat bread, ari? 2. why don't you get some apples, you used to love them. 3. no, don't get almond milk, get soymilk. 4. please, get something. 5. why don't you get a light yogurt?" ~ mom orders
I scan the fat-free yogurts. These are okay. These are safe...ish. I select two of the 100 calorie kind my mom wants. She yells in middle of the isle when I get one that is 80 calories.
"why are you getting that? Mom, it's the same price as the other one. but why. are. you. getting it? i said you could get the other kind. I can pick what yogurt I get!"
Dad tunes in, for once, and snatches the yogurt from me, studies it all over. He rolls his arms and sighs and puts his hand to his brow. He's very good at looking disappointed. "It's because it has less calories," he says to mom, sounding both bored and annoyed at the same time.
They should be happy I eat at all, not try to change every little choice I make. They should be happy I eat as much as I can, not freak out over a twenty calorie difference.
I pick up a few other things. I tried to get canned green beans, but there were dagger-glares. "We're eating healthy now, that means no more canned. We'll get some fresh ones." But I don't LIKE fresh green beans. Only canned green beans are okay. The others are bad. "If you keep up with all that salt, you'll get bloated," she says when I argue. Do I look bloated?
I want canned green beans. I don't see why I can't have them. They're the only honest thing. I don't trust diet soda anymore. It tastes too good. I worry that the bottles are filled with regular coke and labeled as diet. I don't trust salad, a cup of something shouldn't be 10 calories, no matter how leafy and green. I don't even trust water. How can something have no energy value if it's also something needed for fuel to live? I only trust green beans. 76 calories a can and goodgoodgood. They don't lie.
It's all stupid stuff about green beans and yogurt but it makes me want to cry. It does make me cry. No one should try to change what I eat. It's mine. They have their areas of things that are their's. Dad gets the car and deciding what we do on the weekends. Mom gets me (-Matilda) and the house. I get food. Food is my area.
-0.310 lbs
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