Non-eloquence./More pointless ED rantin./I'M FAT AGAIN.

1/4 onion = +10

1 cup lettuce = +10

1 large carrot = +40

2 tablespoons reduced sodium soy sauce = +28

1 tablespoon stir fry powder = +25

2 salt packets = +0

2 liters water = +0

1 calcium pill = +0?

exercise = -1860

weight = -0.497 lbs

  I've discovered that explaining an eating disorder to someone who's never had one is along the same lines of explaining colors to a blind man. They can imagine what it might be like, but for all the explaining you do, no one will ever truly get it. They'll say it's vanity, a coping mechanism, an addiction. Truth is, you don't know why you do the things you do (and it's sure as hell not the reasons they say), just that you need to do them.

   Anyways. Breaking News: I'm a fat bitch. I haven't been to a scale in two weeks and won't be able to for a month. I'm sure I've gained fifteen pounds. Online friends have estimated my weight at 80-95 pounds. I wish. I estimate my current weight at 165-170 pounds. Dakota says that's ridiculous and I'm no where near that big. I pull up my shirt on webcam and knead my stomach fat with my hands to prove her wrong. Her only  reply is "I can see your ribs, man!"

   To people that might be reading, you're probably thinking I'm skinny. Truth is, I'm really not. I'm a fat ass. I've got child bearing hips (which SOMEHOW are fitting into size 4 pants still. i call vanity sizing) , and am probably at a child bearing weight. I'm a failure. I'm a fraud.  I fit nicely into the chubby catagory, right along with the old Lily Allen and mommy jeans Jessica Simpson and pre Trim Spa Khloe Kardashian. I'm THAT girl. The one with the 'curves', the one with the big butt and arm-wings. Everyone is just lying about my 'skinniness'. See that photo down there? That's me, in all my fat glory. Granted, this was two weeks ago before I turned into a (temporary) raging bulimic, eating and puking everything in sight. Imagine this, plus a bloated binge-y belly.