crash&burn.

1:03am

It's weird. I'm lying and bed and my stomach is pleading roaring, echoing off the walls. Acid is burning, but I don't feel hungry. Somewhere along the line, I realize, hunger turned into an emotion for me. My Happy Pills used to ward off sadness, not the tears and effects, but the feeling. Starvation is my pill that gets rid of the feeling of hunger. My stomach didn't get the drug or the pill, obviously not. It doesn't digest much.

Yesterday I put on a kid's tye-dye shirt I bought forever ago. I remember nearly crying when I first got it and it was a second skin. It's almost too big now, hiding my bulging tummy. Maybe it changed size in the wash, but it's been stuffed in my drawer since I first tried it on. No one's noticed I'm losing yet. Can't blame that. I can't tell either and I live within myself.

Magpie has started calling me 'starlight'. She says I am so bright to her, that together we are dusk. I am her star. How odd. I don't know if I like her, really. I may just like her to be polite. Is that awful of me?