crash&burn.

I had a hospital dream last night.

Haven't had one of those in a long time.

It was a sort of a memory of barbeque day, but I know it didn't happen exactly like this. In my dream, it was a lot scarier and more deserted.

I was picking apart my food.

They gave me a giant hamburger, and I was about to cry, trying to tell them I was a vegetarian, but they wouldn't listen, and just kept telling me to eat it.

I removed the buns and tried wiping the sauce off them, but it was soaked in. I looked at it for a minute, and it wasn't sauce. It was blood.

I waved my arms at the nurses station, yelling that I was a vegetarian, but they still wouldn't listen.

The dream moved on, in a swirl of light and undersaturated colors, and my old room mate was there.

We were lined up in the hall to go to the cafeteria.

I know it didn't happen like this, and the memory was much greener than the age the faded colors suggested, but it seemed real.

No one was moving. usually, we would've walked down the halls, mostly silent but giggling here and there.

It was quiet, and we weren't moving. I tapped Ari, asking her what was going around. I spun her around, and her mouth opened. There was a beetle on her tongue.

I screamed, and she bit down on its head.

I tried to eat normally. Yesterday, I did. I tried. But as I made myself a sandwich, Mom looked over.

"You should really slow down on that. Food is expensive."

I blinked, repulsed by my appetite.

I was just eating.

That was all I was doing. Or at least, trying to do.

I had to force myself more than before to finish the sandwich.

I couldn't believe it. Was I overeating when I tried to be normal?

I haven't eaten in sixteen hours now, and it's a certain power. Dinner will come eventually, but right now I'm empty.

640, after dinner. After 21 hours of no eating. Mom made disgusting burritos.

But I've promised myself to eat dinner, all of it.