crash&burn.

Imagine your worst flu.

Imagine headachey, shaky, always cold. Imagine how you can't seem to want to eat, and can't seem to keep much down.

That's what I feel like right now, always.

All day, I was freezing and shaking. Even though I downed two pots of tea.

Then, I binged. I wielded my spoon like I wield my pen when I draw. Only, here, I wasn't creating art. Here, I was creating a monster. Here, I was creating myself.

Heap on the food, heap on the calories. The pounds.

The purge after the binge, it hasn't come yet. I wait until my parents are home, I wait until I can shower and do it right under their noses. I like feeling like I'm exposed, unsecret. Like they know nothing about me.